Saw a Movie

Saw a movie

Last night we went to the cinema to watch the new Tom Hanks movie, I have to say it was very much of the same as the other nail biting, car chasing like other movies he has starred in, very good, highly polished and exciting.

The highlight of the night out was the food where we grabbed some basic burgers, just tiring because of how I often feel like I need to be "on" all the time spare I behave like a human and my flaws might show. I feel like my time with people can swing from my personal confidence to someone very meek, shy and doing my best not to off kilter them.

The movie was great but sometimes my confidence sucks due to not wanting to put people off. People say to be themselves, but what if being yourself is something that someone doesn't like, it's easy to say that it doesn't matter, but if it's someone you actually want around it becomes difficult to simply ignore them.

No one should change for another but I have trouble with it.

Signed

Roxks

This Week I have been working with Zazzle

This Week I have been working with Zazzle

RoxkStudios mug

What is Zazzle?

Zazzle is a company that allows people to sign up for an account where they can add their designs onto items like mugs, t'shirts and other products where people can earn a commission from each sale.

Why am I doing this?

Well with this year being so turbulent for me, never knowing whats happening next I have found myself picking up a handful of hobbies that I can do to relax with, I love computer gaming usually for this but I have decided that it is better to turn my hobbies into something productive where I can really get some sort of reward from it.

Don't get me wrong I love gaming and find it very satisfying however having stability in my life is something that I am very much craving, creating this store on zazzle has been bringing new light to my life as simple as that might sound.

All I need to do once a day is come up with 3 - 4 ideas for designs that I can create and share with others which is a very calming experience for me. I do miss making art for the sake of art being art without any reason, once upon a time that was my calm place, but that's changed tremendously because of various personal situations.

 

Will I go back to other ways to relax?

Yes I will, because for me this is a stepping stone activity to becoming more productive, for me this is simply an outlet for my creativity which for a while now I have been sourly missing. However coffee is something that strangely is very relaxing for me contrary to everything I get told about coffee, I enjoy it. So why not spend time making coffee mugs once a day just to let out that creative nature that I have.

Signed

Roxks

Today when waiting for the gym

Today when waiting for the gym

How my day began

I was sitting on the driveway bench this morning thinking about all of the things I have managed to do this year, which is a plethora of different adventures, some where terrible experiences that I would not wish on my worse enemy, but then there were so many good wholesome things that have happened to me also.

My run down of this year

My story is long and full of woe. It would be ignorant of me to even attempt to pretend that my life was a sunshine walk in a garden made of gold. If I was midis I might feel happier but then gold never got him very far if you follow that story to it's clinical moral. Sometimes you have to be happy with what you have because wishing for more can leave you empty handed or worse having what you wanted but realizing you didn't want it at all.

This is how I kind of feel for many reasons, I love someone deeply, sometimes they haven't always been fair to me, but granted I am no angel either so I can't exactly say that it wasn't a two person dance the entire time for all of the highs and lows of the relationship which still seems to be on a high even if it is strained due to my appalling finances this year.

My money is on the ground as far as my income is concerned, I wish it were better but with a lack of being able to find steadily paid work it just isn't ticking the magic buttons when it comes to being stable and able to afford all of the nuances of life.

The reality of me getting older

My 30th birthday is coming up and there is a party planned for that event, mostly over seen by my mother who cannot seem to loosen her grip on the reins enough to realize that I am capable but at the same time no one works well as a one person band, you can play 1 instrument very well but doing all of the others will make it a tragic mess at best.

The two cats that I've acquired are gorgeous little kittens but they have an anxiety issue possibly due to them being weened far too young, they are safe, happy, healthy but tend to have issues with being calm, relaxed and calm.

My hopes

If I could put this year into a nutshell, it's been a roller coaster and the ride isn't over just yet but I am creeping rapidly closer to the big three zero and the breaks aren't working.

I just hope that I don't crash in a blaze of tragedy and it's glory that will prevail, time will tell.

Signed

Roxks

A sense of fun

A Sense Of Fun

In my relationship this year I have done so many wonderful things, seen many places, also experiencing new life events which is great. 

That said I've noticed that the fun in my relationship has became organized fun, it's not bad but when it's all-the-time I'm finding that it is becoming dull. Spontaneous fun always excites me, where as my other half loves organization. 

Finding a balance is hard work, if I wake up and say "let's do this" but change my mind on the way to do something equally as exciting, sometimes they get annoyed with me. If it was all the time I would understand but usually it's once in a while that I feel that way but I get just as strong reaction to it. It just feels kind of sad that everything needs to be uniformed. 

I will work on this but I hope it can lighten up soon because it's hard work. 

Signed

Roxks

a whirlwind year

It's really been tough this year, how to explain and where to begin.
I started dating a girl who couldn't decide if she wanted me or not to turn out that she does want me or seems to.
roxkstudios has been hard to get off the ground with the amount of travel I've been doing, all of my youtube stuff has kind of taken a nose dive and if i had to be honest its really heart breaking at times, I don't even know what to write about.
I have a new job at a computer repair shop which is awesome and maybe I will have an internship at a local printers which is also awesome but honestly finding my heart has been hard.

I am in love with the girl I'm living with, she really makes me feel happy, but for work I am really out of ideas, I see my computer repair work as work but it's not the same, a blogger in need is what i could discribe myself as.

I want to write and make videos and blog and vlog, but my inspiration is dry. in a weird way its a back handed good thing because it mean that everything I do right now is putty and there is so much freedom I am boundless for ideas but actually doing it, now thats became nearly impossible.

I dont want to cry or give up but finding gaps where I can sit and just work, work on my roxksie stuff hasnt been easy.

This is convoluted but I needed to let it out.
Forgive me.

Signed
Roxks

Changing the direction of this blog

So I wanted to change the direction of my innerthoughts blog here on blogspot, so I'm actually renaming it to just my name Roxksie.

It will still be a place for me to blog on what I'm thinking about.

But it's less about others and more like a diary for me here

Roxks